(Names changed to protect the guilty and innocent alike)
All About Chad
A Westminster Choir College graduate With a Master’s in Library Science Chad arrived from New Jersey in 2002 To take on the choir at St. Vitus As dean of the Eastern New York AGO From festival choirs and committees To workshops and freelance and overseas trips He kept himself frightfully busy Loves chocolate chip cookies (and ate all the brownies Our dear Sister Sarah would make) Visits to Disney, posting on Facebook The many fun pictures he takes He’s partial to kitties, despite getting scratched Which caused him to get an IV And if he’s delayed, well, we’re quite used to that A timeliness issue has he With dry sense of humor, he deals with the problem Of keeping the back row in line And his facial expressions are fun to behold When his mic stand collapses each time The tactics he uses at practice are strange With first an exhale then a sigh After he’s had us all hooting like owls Though somehow we never ask why And next he doth cause all our lips to vibrate With a vvvvv and a zzzzz and a rather rude bbbrrrr! Then it’s on to the consonants puh---tih---kah! And a tongue-twisting ffff---sss---shhhh! And then he starts in with the questions In fifteen long years they don’t change! “What shall I say today?” “Where shall I go?” As he works on extending our range And when it comes time for rehearsing a hymn He’ll exclaim that our R’s sound like pirates Or our vowels are from Johnstown, “Don’t point East & West! Mouths round! North and South are the best!” When teaching us anthems, he’ll start from the back Work his way to the front, like Chinese And sometimes he’ll give us a multi-choice quiz Though the answer is usually B ‘tween quips from M C and guffaws from J And D seeking clarification He’ll chide the male sections for Crosby-like swoops And musical re-gurgitation Meanwhile, the ladies are sounding quite flat When descending a scale. “Now, girls, Sing through your foreheads, on top of the note Like divas in black dress and pearls.” And so it continues with, “No Ethel Mermans!” “Tammy Faye eyebrows,” “Sing out, Louise!” “Keep up the energy,” “Paddle like ducks,” “Why’s nobody looking at me?” “Sit up,” “Don’t slouch,” “Draw it out but don’t breathe,” And “Softer does not mean go slower.” “Raise up your palates,” “Sing it on nooo, While attempting to hear one another.” From the hitching of pants to the gesturing arms The abuse we’ll miss also, it’s true But hope with his leaving we’ll never again Sing that difficult Psalm 92! And if he should take on a Florida choir Where they move real slow and speak with a drawl Perhaps he’ll remember the gang at St. Vitus And wish he were back with us all! |
Birthday Poem
Oh, Mamie's turning 40 And a very fine 40 she'll be To boost her mood regarding her age We'll feed her flavored coffee She started as receptionist At Biddle Boddle Law And used to work with Susie at The Peter Harris store Our Mamie likes an Irish tune She often sings at work 'bout things that may have pissed her off Or someone's been a jerk Or she and Smithy jingle sing To cartoon Sponge Bob Squarepants Sir Elton John delights her, and For books she reads romance One year while dining out in Maine Her father caused to squirt A juicy ripe tomato on The front of Mamie's shirt Now Mamie has a family She bore two darling sons And husband Ted would quite agree She's one fantastic mom We hear she's fond of wrestling And can be quite a shopper A Pampered Chef consultant, you Should see her with the chopper! And while she's great at cooking Dirty dishes make her sigh She doesn't like to use the phone To order pizza pie Yes, Mamie's not without her quirks For though she seems quite sane She called her childhood froggy pet A dead composer's name And Mamie has a fetish passion Rosebuds are her thing She sees a rose and just can't wait To stick her fingers in It isn't quite a World Fair trip We've heard she'd like to go But hope this party's just as fun With folks who love her so! |